PLEASE READ THESE TERMS: Wednesday, June 22, 2005Y
9:20 AM
hai... firstly...feeling kinda down...seeing all my frens so sad..and i cant even do anything to help... firstly min...haiz... she prac for dis comp so long le...den suddenly hurt her leg..den cannot dance...actually is can de..but den for her own sake...she better not...and got replaced...hai..den another is ariel hai...see her so hurt....those sad eyes....de fake laughter... de trying to be strong and happie look... i dunno how to help her either... but hope she can faster find her xing fu..and settle dwn...and get her happie funnie self back...
sigh...todae...dunno y feel kinda drifted from him...he didnt really tok to me... i sat next to him during lunch...usually he'll hold my hand..but...i waited...he didnt...i think he touched other ppl more den he touched me...den after dance...kinda happie he hugged me...but den again...in ann's car...he din even hold my hand orlooked at me...he was leaniing forward..usually he wuld... but now... hai...i dunno la... den i juz leaned on de window...cloed my eyes... waited for de pain to subside... after dat wen we got down... usually we wuld tok...miss a few cabs... before i wuld actually flag for mine.. but todae...after we got down..he ask me to flag for cab immediately... at first i tot we could at least hang ard wif each other for a while but...hai...after wad he said..i immediately went for de cab... stupid uncle came so fast...we juz hugged good bye... if i looked back at him..i wuld have cried n de cab..missing him so much... so i juz act cool..and cold... and waved and juz left......
*crys*
*missing u badly*
wish it was 1 year ago...........
wish u can be more seriously....
treat me more seriously....
i wuld once in a while wanna feel pampered and loved and care for deeply..
wish u knew.........
how diff it is juz to love u......
Tuesday, June 21, 2005Y
9:34 AM
HMmm.... dis song is dedicated to me and myself.. *imagining HIM singing it to me* *sighs* (sitting in an open field with loads on green land....breeze blowing sweeping all my hair from my face....As he looks deeply in my eyes....he strums his guitar...) *sings*
I wanna make you smile, whenever you're sad
carry you around when your arthritis is bad
all I want to do, Is grow old with you
I'll get your medecine when your tummy aches
build you a fire when the furnace brakes
oh it could be so nice growing old with you
I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold
need you, feed you, even let u hold the remote control
Let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
put you to bed when you've had to much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you
*CryS*
(anyone wans de song can ask from me) nice sia!!
Monday, June 20, 2005Y
6:59 AM
hai...today finally got to stay home and rest de...coz last week haf been dancing and everynite nv get to come home and eat...and wen i finally do... mom keeps screamiing in my ear...for once i juz neeed sme peace and quiet..she keeps asking me to do dis and dat...sk me y i nv do dis and dat... and keeps comparing me to other ppl's daugher... den she also keeps asking me to study, clean my room... and she even keeps nagging me abt de kinda boys i need to mix wif... blah blah blah.... and all de marriage stuff... i feel so stressed up sia... haiz.. y cant i juz love who eva i wan...do wad eva i wan... i'm oredi grown up...i noe wads rite for me and i knoe wad i wan..if dey keep interfering..i wun be able to make myown decisions on my own anyymre... u noe..de more dey say something de more i will dode opposite...its like u actually feel like helping dem..but after dey said y i'm not doin it...i really dun wanna do it le... u noe wad i mean?sounds chim la.
haha...haiz...dunno wad to do le la...
damn stressed on ads comin for me next...
gotta cope wif sschool, projects, dance comp, family, exams..
and most of all...i'm afraid i wun haf time for him... will miss him alot de... seeing him makes my life happier and makes all my worries go away i guess...
sniff...
Sunday, June 19, 2005Y
10:39 AM
Hmm...long time nv write le...coz of lots of prac for our remix comp..which is todae... and omg... WE got in!! din noe we could...but...hehehe....yay!! den muz learn BAD's cheoro...diff sia...teach so fast...and de style...haha...totally diff form wad we're doin now...but its interesting...learn new styles...haha reminded me of my first Ooh La La comp...exactly same style...haha..haiz...kinda sad also la...last nite slept at 4am...was tokin to sk...juz brought up some matters...like de tones n way he toks to me...hai...but i think its not gonna change..haiz..i also dunno wad to say.... i feel like something is missing in our relationship... maybe i love him more den he loves me...dat y i feel dat maybe i'm not getting enuff attention from him..sometimes dun really feel dat de stuff he does comes from his heart..juz for de ske of doin...
hai...sometimes i do wish we wuld send me home...ask me how i am...massage me wen my back hurts...help me carry my bag wen my shoulder hurts...look me in de eye and say those romantic stuff..haha...or better yet..spend some quality time wif me... without saying.."but here got nthing to shop lei.." hmm..cant we juz walk ard...and not matter bout anything but each others presence?...hai... i dun understand him anymore... sometimes...really wanna cry...coz sometimes...u're juz waiting for him to do something but he nv does it...and u juz keep waiting..... and sometimes really hurt by de words he say...like "y cant u do dis??!?!" "HOw come u muz do dis" "Y muz u EAt??" well..I'M HUNGRIE!!! Duh!! "Y CaN't u Eat later?" or "u juz ate!!! ( a few hours ago)" hai.......cant he juz tok to me nicely?? like how he does wif his frens?? i really envy dem...
everytime he says such hurting stuff i wuld juz turn away...and wipe de tears off my face.and smile..musnt let anione see...sometimes things may seem ok...but actually...its not ok....de love is juz not there anymore...i want it back...from him... i juz dun feel it.....sad to say.....
nowadays we hardly tok long on de fone anymore...he's always tired wen he calls me...i mean..y cant he juz sacrifise his game time n tok to me...or something...its like he hardly ever sacrifise for me...he rather do something else den do something dat includes me...hai........
i think i'll juz go on and ignore all de bad stuff....smile and hopefully i will b happier ba... cry behind close doors ...will nv let him noe...dun wan him to b in an awkward position....to an wei wo...
but really...every gal hopes... hopes dere will b a guy she loves who can take care of her and not the other way round...
i mean...if u love someone u wuld wanna do stuff for dat persn rite?? well... i dun see anything much being done... not even a simple long hug and dun let go.. i used to get...
sobz.....
crys......
sniff......
any way..i sould be thankful le la..at least i get to see him...some ppl dun even get to see de person she loves as and wen she wans....
:)
but really...i do envy other couples who look so loving together.....
:)
competition finals is in july...school starting le..hopefully i still have time ba...
scared...
i wan someone who can always stand by me wen i'm sad...be there always we i need him..hold me up wen i fall...
Tuesday, June 07, 2005Y
8:52 AM
haiz........i think they should make a book on how guys should understand gals...
or at least make their brains bigger and egos smaller.......
Saturday, June 04, 2005Y
9:45 AM
todae was really along day.... firstly went for de auditions...den knew abt some complications...wif chinese dance and nra...din noe de cute n sweet lao shi was so......ermm...unreasonable...tot she was kind and al...but...haiz...den somemore...her students gave face to us...tried to chase us out...blah blah... and all de funnie excuses...yaya... rude...especially dis freakin guy...wtf... felt like punching him in de face...pluckin all his eyebrows out! scold my sis... shouted at my teacher..and he still dare say we give no respect to their teacher... and he was like scoldin bun and anne infront of anne...hahah...stupid..he is de one wif no respect...freak! made my sis cry....idiot! but anne was really cool in handlin de situation!she n her sarcasism..ahha..den we all shifted all our freshie to de sports deck...den wen it was RTHK prac... ariel came le... den see her stand dere alone...den went up to her...den sniff... she also cry le...haiz...seeing all of my frens so sad..i also more sad le... but muz try to be happie or else everywhere will b filled wif sadness... so i try to smile..hope dat works! haha....
PSC was great! nra go in again!! happie!!! but...duno la... todae heard alot of somebody...kinda feel sorrie for him..since i knew him for such a long time...but den again...he pisses me of wif de stuff he does...haiz........so many mixed feelins..also juz noe how much of a flirt he is.....feel really grossed out...i hate flirts!!! especiallythose guys who go for a few gals at one go..yucks!! finally saw jace!!! updated her...we'll took again soon ba...maybe can clear up some stuff...
wen we went home....dun feel like sayin le.. i admit its my fault...causin him to spend money...but theres is still somethings he dun understand..... he dun understand how much of a diff it is for me to tell him to do something and for him to do de something on his own account.. aiya..sounnds chim la... but dats howgals are...dey actually haf second meaning wan...de guys haf juz got to go figure! and he doesnt really understand his gf... well i wuld rather choose him spendin de money on doin something sweet for me...rather den him treatin me eat...dunno la...sometimes its like dat ba..i guess it depends on situation...
well my mind is not thinkin straight these few days...dunno y la...juz feelin super moody...depressed mostly...i dun show it...but ya,..its inside of me...
lucky todae wore my cap home...lucky he was walkin in front.....lucky he din see me sobbin all de way...lucky him i guess... dun wanna put him in a diff situation...
haiz...
de ppl who understand me are de wrong ppl...haiz........
i better cheer up ba! tml is gonna b another day!!!
:)
Friday, June 03, 2005Y
7:23 AM
haiz..... todae went to e hospital to visit my grandpa...haiz...mom said it doesnt look good.. den my relatives were tokinto de doc....and i was like holdin grandpa's hand....mom was massagin his arm...wipin sweat off his head and tears off his eyes... he cant speak to us...and his eyes can hardly open...he can hardly breath... lookin at everyones teary eyes...really saddens me....but i juz kept it all inside... althou de tears were almost flowin out... haiz.... i juz kept holdin on to his hand...bendin down till my back hurts again... but i didnt care... everyone is tryin to be strong...i should too.juz pray to god...hope everythin will b alrite....
*if i eva seem to b quiet...it means i dun really feel like tokin...maybe juz need a shoulder to lie on...
pls dun scold or blame me for anything.....
p.s...dear if u eva read dis...sorry for makin u mad at me..sorry for irritating u... sorry for troublin u.... sorrie....
but thnkx for being by my side! =)
Wednesday, June 01, 2005Y
10:09 AM
dunno why todae feel kinda depressed... firstly.... s&w..... i finally looked at myself dance in de mirror le...coz deres no one standin nxt to me for me to copy... den i realised i dance until ver sucky.... haiz... den secondly.... suntec! we haven start yet!! other groups start le but not ours!! i finally noe y...on de way home...anne told me dat our whole group muz get together first...i'm not really sure of wad it meant la...as in...get together n prac first or....be all present...den she'll start on ours..haiz....duno la..we muz jia alot of oil le la.. den i see my frens so depressed...and i cant do anythin abt it...also feel really sad de... den finally..dear ar.....haiz....dunno wad to say la..... stupid pig! always make me feel like i wanna kick him...coz of de stuff he does...and de stuff he says... very insensetive... but wen u wanna get angry if him also cannot...coz some how he'll still make me happie..and forget bout de bad stuff...haiz....