PLEASE READ THESE TERMS: Friday, January 13, 2006Y
3:17 AM
Hey guys... i've decided to blog again.... alot has happened to me recently... i've nv ever felt so depressed before... this is my first time tearing so much.... during lecture i dunno y tears keep filling my eyes... on my way to sch too... while eating, watching cartoons or comedies~~ i really cant stop it from flowing out...todae i took bus home wif one of my sim fren~~ we talked abt frenship... den it suddenly occured to me that i may not haf a really true fren who understands me or maybe thinks i'm special to them... i used to think i had lots of frens who really cared abt me... but i guess they care as much to other ppl too... i realised i dun haf a fren who msges u constantly asking if u're ok...or if u wanna go out.. or keep u company when ever u're dwn...tries to cheer u up.... be sad when eva u're sad... always keep u updated abt stuff in his or her life... call u for lunch during their break times or when eva they haf a chance...
now i've stopped dancing... i went bk to watch dem... i'm glad dat someppl are concern bout me or talk to me...but i realised most of them are juniors..
and i haf also juz realised... we're only close frens when we're dancing... we only communicate n bond when we're dancing... but nv really gone out...like watch a movie or wad... i guess my life mostly was so caught up in dance... sometimes may neglect certain frens~~ like jace.. she is someone i can really call a true fren... wishing me gd luck for my exams...rembering my stuff...
My sisters haf their own life....
and... my bf...
things are really good between us...now...
but..i've been thinking... juz like some normal frens..who only shows concern now.. but when u're not wif dem... i think i wuldnt b in their thoughts...
my bf...juz when i needed him most...i realised he isnt there for me...he only shows concern for awhile... den de nxt day... he wuld not even ask how am i.... not even 1 msg... todae...i've msg him i haf a nighmare...it may sound stupid la... but i woke up feeling kinda sad n scared...he nv replied at all...he's having a competition todae... i msg him i was really sad last nite...he didnt even respond...
i guess....he only likes to see me when i'm happy ba.... but wen he is sad...i'm always b there for him....i try being there for him when ever i can.... i make an effort to try see him every day....
but...yesterday... i went back to dat scary place... i told him i was afraid to go there...he didnt even asked how it went... no msg at all no call... he knew i ended class at 5... he didnt call me at all to meet up or wad.... so i went to de studio....
maybe... to him i'm not really impt...
if i'm eva impt to someone... i guess that person wuld try to make me happie... listen to me...feel for me... and maybe knowing i'm sad... wuld keep me company..even if i cant come out..i could always go dwn stairs...
but...maybe i'm asking too much ba~~~
oh well.... my fren told me things happen for a reason.....
maybe this is to see who are really true to me....
well...if i stop going to the studio...would i b forgotten?
if i stop making an effort to meet him... wuld he leave me? wuld he b close someone...den realised she is de one for him.... this is wad i'm always afraid of... maybe....
so many things to worry abt...mayb i shld juz put everything aside... b by myself maybe?
dunno y i'm speaking so much rubbish...but thesse few days really felt really lonely....
i'm sorry to everyone who i've upset....
or neglected.....
